Rolling Stoned On A Dutch Train

My best friend (and only friend) from Brazil, Remera, texted me that she’d just booked a ticket to Amsterdam. I hadn’t seen her for a damn year so it was a perfect reunion. We met during her exchange program at my university in the Netherlands and funny enough we became friends right at the very end of her stay there.

It was weekend and I was at my girlfriend Janice in Eindhoven. I told her the news but she was a bit reluctant.

“Baby, my lady friend from Brazil is coming to Amsterdam and we’re gonna hang out. It’s been a long time.” I said.

“What lady friend? Do I know her?” Her looks were a bit suspicious.

“Not really. She spent only one semester in our campus and during that time we weren’t that close.” (We hooked up one semester later.)

“So what do you want to do?”

“Just go to Amsterdam and see her and the others. She comes with another friend and we’re gonna meet this other girl from Turkey and her Greek boyfriend. You should join.”

“I don’t wanna see that cunt from Brazil. Just go there, do whatever and come back here, ok?”

“Alright. Are you sure you don’t want to join.”

“No, I’ll be fine here.”

“Are you sure? She would love to meet you though.”

“Forget about it. Just text me when you’re on your way back. When do you think you’ll return?”

“Dunno, maybe 9-10 tonight?”

“Cool. Have fun.”

I didn’t expect her to be so bitter about such shit. But yet again, Janice was the very same girl who cried and got hysterical on a plane just because I smiled at a flight attendant so yeah. It is what it is.

I soon get dressed up, kissed her goodbye and made it for the train station. Soon enough I was in Amsterdam and strolled around, looking for Remera. She was nowhere to be found. I didn’t get any answer to the texts I sent her. At least we figured out we would meet at the train station. I sat in front of Amsterdam Centraal a good while and admired the everlasting Dutch clouds.

Right when I said to myself “fuck this shit” and was about to start my own random adventure in good old Amsterdam, I was greeted in the lovely Brazilian fashion. The charming Remera finally appeared. It felt like we had seen each other only a day ago. Nothing changed. I was delighted to meet the others too.

Now, this whole kinda trip didn’t have anything unexpected or out of control, nor any peculiarity worth putting down here. We did what pretty much everyone would do in Amsterdam: stroll around the canals, eat Dutch waffles(stroopwafels), have a couple of drinks and get stoned as a kite. I will not bore you, dear reader, with any of these trifle events. The juice of this little story comes at the end of this trip, like a little cherry on top. So we might as well talk about this point.

We finished our encounter in high spirits. Everything was totally worth it and I thought about Janice. She would’ve loved this. Speak of the devil, I had to keep my promise and return to our little corner. I must mention that a space cake and a couple of joints had been already consumed at that point and my mind was floating on some weird groove in a whole other galaxy. Space jazz! That’s what it was. My mind was nothing but space jazz. But somewhere deep in this whole music I still thought of Janice and my eventual return.

The others were very well aware of my state. They were worried if I would actually be able to make this train trip happen. I mean, shit, I even fell asleep while eating my nachos in the Mexican restaurant a little while ago. ANYWAY, I assured them that everything was fine and it was… almost fine!

I took the train, but not before grabbing some bars of chocolate from one of the station stores. The munchies were still going strong. I made myself comfortable on the cushions inside the train carriage and phased out starring the black night sky. The space jazz was still going strong and the view matched the groove. I would be in Eindhoven in around 2 hours and enjoy a piece of Janice. I closed my eyes and smiled at the idea. It would be a good ending to that whole saga from that day.

“HEY, WAKE UP! THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE.”

A strong hand clasped my shoulder. Firm and determined. It was a lady from the NS (Nederlandse Spoorwegen) who woke me up.

“GET UP AND LEAVE THE TRAIN. EVERYBODY IS OUT!”

“Really? Where are we?”

“This is Nijmegen. Can you please show me your train card? You don’t look alright!”

I showed her the card and she adopted a more relaxed mien. I got up after she gave it back and walked on the platform. I checked the phone and had a couple of missed calls from Janice. It was almost midnight. I called her right away.

“Hey babe. I’ll be a bit late.”

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? IS EVERYTHING OK?”

“Ye ye, I’ll be there in a bit. Don’t worry. Love you, babe.”

“WAIT. WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT DID YOU…”

SNAP. The phone ran out of battery. It was all dead. I looked around and indeed it was Nijmegen, right at the border with Germany. The jazz music stopped but I was still in space. I felt like an illegal alien at that point. Soon enough I saw a train going straight to Eindhoven. It would take me another hour at least to be there. Janice wouldn’t be too happy about this. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even want to go to Janice anymore but I had no choice. The place where I lived was out of that equation. My only hope was that I would be able to sleep somewhere inside that night and not wander the streets until the first morning train.

I jumped in the only train that would save me and kept my eyes opened as much as I could. I even refused to blink at times after what had happened on the previous ride. Shit. The weed, the exhaustion and the need for sleep were catching up and gaining momentum on me. FUCK. Just a few more stations. “Come on, you stoned monkey, you can pull this one out.” I told myself.

I arrived to the destination after what seemed to be an infinite train ride through the space of a bleak and empty galaxy. The trip wasn’t over yet. I had to walk around 20 minutes to Janice’s. It felt like the longest walk of my entire life. Forget all those marathons. Walking stoned, tired and half asleep in the cold night with a bit of drizzle was the real deal. I was lucky as hell because I still remembered where the girl lived. My eyes were popped out just to make sure I wouldn’t fall down on the concrete because I knew there would be no way out. The miracle eventually happened and I finally saw Janice’s door.

*Knock knock*

Nothing.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* (this time more frantic)

I heard footsteps. A completely bewildered and zombie looking Janice opened the door.

“What on Earth…”

It was too late for conversation. I walked directly passed her, climbed the stairs and went straight into her bed and covered myself with her blanket, making my own personal cocoon. Life had never been better. The suffering was over. Or was it?

I owned Janice a lot of explanations for my failure to stick to the promised schedule. It was her right to ask questions and she did so right away.

“Can you please tell me what happened? Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

In my mind every single detail of that day was as vivid as it could get. I wanted to talk about the consumption of weed and alcohol, the long walks around the canals and how the train trip went wrong and how I fell asleep and how genuinely sorry I was for doing this and that I would make it up to her. I really intended to say everything to her but didn’t have the energy to do it. My vegetative state was so advanced that all I could say was:

“Sorry babe, got fucked up. Can’t talk now. I’ll tell you tomorrow. Gotta sleep.”

“You’re an asshole.”

I started laughing and came to her. We smooched a bit. She showed some faint resistance in the beginning but eventually accepted everything. Even the simple act of smooching was beyond my normal capacities at that state and soon enough I just gave it all up and slept like a log. What a day that was.