When confiding something or sharing a story about myself, I have the deepest pleasure choosing as a subject matter one of the most depraved and notorious moments of my life. And such episodes never fail to entertain or at least awake an intense emotion on the side of the listener. At the same time, the benevolent acts seem to bore and I can see that every time I mention a good deed, the audience becomes disengaged, struggling out of mere politeness not to stop me from going all the way with my so-called acts of virtue.
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One time, on a bleak and dreary winter morning, as I walked outside to light a cigarette, I made eye contact with a stranger who, at my very own sight, gave a spiteful look and then proceeded to spit into the ground, expressing thus his silent disgust combined with apathy, triggered altogether by my mere presence. Such an act felt more poetic than the most tender touch I’ve ever received from the most caring and loving lady.
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I carefully select the movies that I watch based on the frequency of their scenes embalmed in either mad violence, hateful cussing, wicked deception or all of them combined. Any moving picture that fails to deliver any of the above mentioned is an utter waste of cinematic resource, as it simply doesn’t carry the essence of the human experience, that being the conscious choice of misanthropic tendencies.
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What day is that without bearing at least a single thought concerning macabre horrors which, if expressed in certain circles, make one liable for the psych ward?
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Another night when, drunk with the stillness, as I hear just the clock’s hand evaporating second after second, I grimace at the idea of jumping from my flat’s balcony, perched on the 9th floor.
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Whenever I feel that a certain period elapsed when I conceived only acts of kindness, some twisted devil spawns in some corner of my soul, directing me to device some form of trivial assholery or petty mischievousness. The Douchebag Saint, as I like to call him, always reminds me of the perpetual ugliness that resides in every one of us.