Every now and then one stumbles across some special character that tells something as stupefying and intriguing as it can get. At least it keeps happening in my case for some reason. I can’t really explain why this is the case but I can’t say it bothers me either. On the contrary. As an aspiring writer I’m yearning for such humans to come across my way and tell me about all their eccentricities and weird encounters. The more bizarre and eerie, the better. The more debaucherous, the juicier. And oh boy, this fella I’m about to tell you about had a bit of everything.
So, still in Da Nang city, where I had been for the past 2 weeks or so, going for the 100th time at the supermarket across the street to buy beers and snacks as usual. But this time it’s different. I see this old blue eyed fella walking on one of the aisles. We were somehow both in a funny mood and we could both see that.
“Where is my friend?” He asked me.
“I don’t know.” I told him.
“You don’t know?”
“Nobody knows!”
“Nobody knows, everything goes and we both have a nose!” The guy was into rhymes all of a sudden. I digged that. I knew in that instant that I met an interesting fella.
We laughed. “Where are you from?” He went on.
“I’m from Romania.”
“Oh yes, I know Romania. You guys fought with the Nazis in WW2.”
“Yeah, and when they were losing Romania switched sides. It’s a Romanian thing. When our team loses we join the other side.”
“I remember that, yes. Not cool, man. It wasn’t fair play!”
“It is what it is.” It felt so casual. Neither of us was serious about that stuff. And why would one be? We were both chilling in Da Nang. We were both tapping into that Vietnamese energy.
“Yes indeed, but after that you got Ceau-Ceau-Ceausescu[1]!”
“Yeah, and we shot him on Christmas day. My mom told me it had been the best Christmas ever!”
“Sure, but it wasn’t a fair trial, man!”
“Well, he deserved it anyway.”
“That is true. But you know who didn’t deserve to be shot? Gaddafi[2]. He was an ok leader. Look at Libya now. It’s complete shit. Killing Gaddafi was a big mistake. I know that because I was working for the CIA at the time.”
“So you’re from America?”
“No. I’m from Denmark. But I worked for the CIA.”
“Cool.”
We kept talking about some CIA matters, world order, various concerns about the current situation and the future, Russia, Africa and other subject matters. It was a real pleasure talking to him. He knew a lot of things. And he was funny too.
“So how long you’ve been in Vietnam?” I asked the guy later on.
“10 years. I love it here. Let me tell you something. One of my girlfriends was one of the managers of Vinhomes[3]. Really sweet lady. She gave me two apartments in two different complexes. Just like that, for free!”
“Oh man, how lucky. That right there is true love.”
“I think she was a bit crazy too. One time we went on a trip to Ninh Binh and two of her lady friends joined in. We had a boat trip and it was really beautiful. Later on, when we were back at our homestay, she told me to fuck those 2 lady friends! She just looked at me and said she wanted me to fuck them and that she was gonna make a video with us doing it!”
No way the guy had just told me that. We had been chatting for maybe 20 minutes and the conversation went from Ceausescu, CIA and Gaddafi to an amateur threesome porn video in Vietnam real quick. You can’t really make this up. I was cracking. The guy had a wicked smile and that made me crack even more. My respect for him increased tremendously.
“Damn!” I was still laughing. “And did you go for it?”
“Of course! Wanna see the video?”
“Well… sure!” I couldn’t refuse the man. It’s not every day that I get to watch a video concerning interracial sex between an old Danish dude and two young Vietnamese babes. I mean, what were the odds? If I would’ve said “no” years and years later I would remember that some ex CIA guy from Denmark was once willing to show me amateur porn with him starring in the main role and two Vietnamese cuties. And retrospectively, remembering that I would have refused such an offer would make me look like a complete fool. So, there was no way in hell I was gonna miss that.
After one minute I was watching this video with two chicks taking turns to suck the old guy dry and then some kinky stuff going on in a bed. I’ll not go into further details. I’ll leave the rest to the reader’s imagination.
“It’s great fun living here in Vietnam.” The Danish fella told me after the footage was over. “I still have the apartments but I broke up with that lady. It simply couldn’t work.” He spoke with a slight trace of disappointment. “But then I met another nice girl. She called herself Nini. She was great too!”
“You’re really having the time here, man. I like your style.”
“Forget about me. Wanna see Nini?”
“You bet!”
In an instant the guy showed me this video with a beautiful short lady walking on a lonesome street in some jungle, wearing nothing but a pair of sneakers. She made occasional turns while smiling all the time. She was stunning. I recognized the guy’s voice on the background, praising her style, her beauty, herself.
The more I watched the more I began envying the man. I had my share of funny memories with Vietnamese women already but that guy was on another level. My respect for him went up even further. Absolute legend. Certified sigma male[4] unit.
“You sure had a fun time here in Vietnam, man.” I said.
“Me? No. Nini is fun!”
“Well, say hello to her from me when you see her again.”
“I’m afraid I won’t see her again.” He suddenly turned a bit nostalgic. He wasn’t laughing anymore. “I let her down unfortunately.”
“Still, the memory remains, man. That’s the most important thing.”
“Exactly! That’s just what it is. That is life itself. You choose what you make out of it.” He assumed this position of a sage all of a sudden. “You know the song ‘Hotel California’ by the Eagles?”
“Yes, I do.”
“So you remember the final line: ‘You can check out anytime you like. But you can never leave!’ “
I must’ve heard that verse around a million times before. And every single time I had been indifferent to it. But that particular time it was different. It was as if those words finally hit me. The way that guy said the line finally delivered its true meaning. I was coming across a secret that had been hiding under my nose all that time. And once I was able to see it couldn’t remain unseen no more.
I kept thinking about the guy a long time after that. He had told me about all his debauchery in this country without any hesitation. Full confidence and not missing any detail whatsoever. I even asked him if the movie he’d showed me might’ve made it on the internet, to which he told me that he didn’t really give a shit. What a lad. What a character. He was simply in the moment and whatever others might’ve thought about him was simply a matter indifference.
I opened one of the beers on my way to the hostel. I had a smile on my face as I could add another fella to my long list of whacky characters I encountered along the way in my travels. It was one of those times when someone you meet for the briefest time makes a lasting impression on you. There are people that you meet for a lifetime and they barely tell you anything. And then there’s some random fella you casually stumble upon in a supermarket who gives you one of the best advice there is out there and you simply can’t forget it.
After our “Hotel California” moment we wished each other good night and went our own separate ways. I thought about Nini. I was hoping she was fine.
[1] Nicolae Ceausescu (1918-1989): Romanian dictator who ruled the country between 1965 and 1989, when he was executed on Christmas day alongside with his wife, Elena Ceausescu.