I had 3 days off. Combine that with the weekend and you have a mini holiday. The best thing to do, if you live and work in Hanoi, in many people’s opinion, is to get the hell out of that city and enjoy a less crowded, less polluted, less noisy corner of the planet. As someone who would do anything to be out of the city I seized the opportunity.
I’d been living in Vietnam for nearly 3 years and I hadn’t seen the legendary Ha Long bay yet. Eerie, right? So I hopped on my motorbike one chilly morning and evaded the Vietnamese capital’s traffic unspoiled and unharmed. The bay simply couldn’t wait anymore.
After almost 4 hours on the road I saw the miracle unfold. Alas, what a fine sight to see! I’d cast my eyes upon a bunch of pictures of Ha Long bay over time but having that natural formation in front of me live was simply enchanting. I nearly crashed my motorbike because I was looking more at the bay itself than at the road.
As any visitor coming for the first time to experience such a natural delight, one couldn’t help but look for the best viewpoint to get that super ultra mega fabulous postcard type of landscape of that bay. I made it a mission to get there and take some mesmerizing pictures that would stick with me for a good while. I simply needed to get that view.
After a few clicks on Google, I found the one and only spot where many diva influencer wannabes left their footprint. It was the so-called Poem Mountain, which overlooked a good chunk of those rocks stretching in the distance.
I drove to the climbing point, guided by Google Maps. I arrived at the precise coordinates, but there wasn’t any actual sign or anything indicative of where the climb for that mountain would begin. I thought that maybe Google was wrong, since that happened from time to time (sorry, Google, but that’s the truth). All I could see was this street with houses, tiny shops, cafés, and other small businesses. But right behind these buildings, the mountain was proudly standing. The way had to be somewhere there.
I drove around that spot, and right around the corner I saw an entrance to a temple. And behind that temple, the actual mountain began. I thought maybe the path to the mountain’s top was somewhere on the temple’s property.
I asked this old man at the entrance about the mountain, and he told me to go around the corner, right where I had initially ended up. That I did. And I asked a passerby about the mountain. He pointed to this randomly opened door. A dark hallway and some stairs could be seen on the other side. The whole place looked dingy, shady, and unkept. It wasn’t too inviting.
I didn’t trust that guy initially. I thought he was messing with me, so I asked two other people. They told me the exact same thing. So I guess that was it.
I walked inside that dark hallway, took the stairs up, and ended up in some moldy corridor. It looked poor and decrepit. There was a door on the other side that seemed locked. I turned around, and I saw an old lady climbing the stairs my way. I asked her about the mountain, and she nodded. I walked to the door at the end of the corridor, and then I heard the grandma saying the only word she knew in English: “MONEY! MONEY!”
“Ok, how much?” I said while gesturing to her.
She walked into this small room on the side of the corridor. She came back with a tiny purse from which she took out the highest Vietnamese bill: 500,000 VND (20$). That’s what she was asking for. I felt extorted. I told her there was no way in hell I’d give her that much. I told her that 50,000 VND would be fair. She started bitching, and then she told me that 300,000 VND would do. It was still outrageous.
I showed my disgust for that old hag’s offer and left her rickety place of a home. Her face showed no change of expression whatsoever. She didn’t really display any welcoming attitude that I was so used to seeing in the average Vietnamese person. She had this morose mien, pretty much like any of those particular old people hating life and everything in it. I genuinely thought she was subnormal.
I tried to look for other ways to get on that mountain. I circled the area with my motorcycle, asked some people around, and they all told me there was only one way. I guess I had to make peace with that lady and resume the negotiations.
~◆◆◆~
I came back to the house. I encountered that old swindler again and proposed to give her 100,000 VND. She told me 200,000 VND was her final stand. Either that or no deal. FINE. FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH. I gave her the damn money, and she took a key to unlock the door from that damp corridor.
Once I stepped on the other side, my eyes encountered one of the most depressing-looking backyards. There was mud and trash everywhere, and a bunch of nasty dogs were going about, barking and growling like there was no tomorrow. There were around 7 of them.
After I passed all this bedlam, there was nothing but the mountain. The grandma pointed to this ladder prompted right on a rock wall and told me that was the way to go.
I checked the ladder. It seemed sturdy. This whole ordeal started to feel odd. The old lady kept pointing at me to get up. Well, that was the way, so I climbed the ladder. It was a bit shaky, but it was still alright.
On the top of the ladder, things got sketchy. I was supposed to go on this really narrow patch of mud bordered on one side by the same rock wall where the ladder was prompted and on the other side by a 5-meter straight fall on a pile of stones and bricks. There wasn’t much to get a hold of except for some roots and some rocky shapes that were going out of the wall. And to make matters worse, the muddy patch was quite slippery. This whole prospect didn’t look so inviting.
I began calculating different ways to do that. I tried taking a hold on different things and putting my legs on different spots so I could position myself the best way to climb. The problem was that I was starting to freak out. My legs were shaking, and the constant thought of making a wrong step and slipping on that mud was crippling my concentration. The image of my brains and guts splintered beside the ladder and the mountain’s rock wall was turning more and more vivid in my mind.
THIS IS SUICIDE. I thought to myself. I felt like a coward, but I simply couldn’t do that thing. I went back down the ladder. The woman was by the door from the corridor. I used Google Translate to tell her that the climbing was too dangerous, to which she nodded.
I asked for my money back, filled with shame and disappointment. She gave me 100,000 VND out of the 200,000 VND. I looked at her, expecting the rest. She didn’t seem to get it. I made a sign that I wanted the other 100,000 VND, but she wouldn’t comply. She was basically gesturing to me to piss off. Since I didn’t speak her language and she didn’t speak English, we couldn’t really have a conversation.
I had to accept the fact that I’d been cheated by this grandma. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the principle. And that lady was dishonest and lacked every bit of character. Some people aged badly, and that swindler old bint was one of them. I walked downstairs feeling a bit in the dumps. There I saw these two Vietnamese guys that were coming in. They asked me if I had checked the mountain. I told them that I had not because I found the path too dangerous. I even showed them a picture with the ladder. But these guys had an iron will.
They insisted that I join them and that we should climb together and stick to each other. I was a bit hesitant at first, but their enthusiasm and comradeship convinced me.
Once again, I had to see that hideous grandma scammer. She asked for only 150,000 VND from each of those two guys. How interesting. She insisted that I give her back the 100,000 VND, but one of those dudes slapped her hand and told her to leave me alone since I was going with them. She reluctantly agreed.
We passed again those obnoxious dogs and checked the ladder. One of the guys climbed it and then crawled on that patch of mud until he reached a wider spot. He did that in a matter of seconds, like it was nothing. The other guy was a little bit slower, but he managed to do the exact same, bearing the same confidence. After seeing that, I simply stopped thinking about any danger, and in less than a minute, I found myself next to the other guys. It turned out it wasn’t so bad after all, if I put my mind to it. It was still sketchy, though. The trick was to not look down.
What followed was a little rock climbing. After that, we reached some actual stairs, and from then on, the rest of the climb was cake. The beginning was by far the worst part.
The three of us kept on climbing, and after taking a few water breaks, we reached the summit. Was it worth it? Hell yeah, it was. Both the city of Ha Long and the countless granite rocks forming the bay could be seen stretching far and wide from that spot. It was miraculous. We even saw a stone with a text in Vietnamese written on it. It was something about a king who had once been up there to write a poem, thus the name, Poem Mountain.
We took a bunch of pictures, and we just stared into the distance. We must’ve spent around an hour at the top, basking in the scorching sun. I wouldn’t climb that mountain again any time soon, so I just stood there and contemplated the view, along with those two fellas that made everything better for me. I owed them, to be fair.
~◆◆◆~
What goes up must go down. This rule also applied to the 3 of us on that mountaintop. It was all fun and games until we reached again the sketchy beginning with that cursed ladder. It looked 10 times scarier on the way down. I didn’t want to do it, but I had to.
The two other guys went first, and then I followed. They were waiting at the bottom and gave me indications on every single movement I made. The trouble was that narrow, muddy part. Damn it. My legs were shaking. I did my best not to panic. I was really close to freaking out. One wrong move, and that was it. Could that really be the end?
Eventually, after many body contortions and movements carefully guided by the two Viet fellas, I managed to descend. HOLY MOTHER OF CREATION. I DIDN’T DIE. And those guys were probably the main reason I kept my cool.
We passed again by those loud, wretched dogs and walked out of that dingy house. I wasn’t keen on stepping inside that place ever again. Not while that shameless old lady was still there, at least.
We came, we climbed, we saw, we assimilated. Me and the boys went to a shop, and we got ourselves some cold drinks, which we downed almost immediately while sitting on the pavement. We were dirty, and our bodies were soaked in immeasurable amounts of sweat. But none of that mattered. We felt like kings. We had just conquered that little mountain. We had just witnessed one of the most badass views of one hell of a natural wonder that was Ha Long Bay. What a blessing those two guys were. They had no fear. They helped me find my courage. I’ll always remember them. Phong and Khanh. Top lads. Heaven has a place for them.
